Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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