So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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