Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
