gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
