Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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