All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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