im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
