I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
