I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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