You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
