We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
