You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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