Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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