There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
