How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
