the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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