i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
