Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
