glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
