dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
