I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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