It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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