we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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