It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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