I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
