You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What drink are we having for lunch?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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