he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
