I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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