I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
