Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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