she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't turn off my feet"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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