Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
