She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hippo gnu deer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
