it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
