I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
