It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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