the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize