I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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