Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
