Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
