Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
