You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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