That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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