And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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