the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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