he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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