dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
