Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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