please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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