I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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