My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
