my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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