I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
