yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
