She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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