I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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