it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
