If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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