No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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