Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
