don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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