she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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