I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
