Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
