So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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