I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
