You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
