we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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