Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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