just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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