So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
