I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize