he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
