How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
