Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
