and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
